Monday, April 16, 2007
Self Steem
It’s been a really long time since my last post. Lots of things happened, my life got very messy and it was quite difficult to see “a light at the end of the tunnel”.
Now, looking back time it’s funy to see how the dots just connected. I’ll try to make a brief of the last year –
I’ve gotten a promotion.
6 months later, I lost my job.
So what happened meanwhile?
My boy friend broke up with me. And it happened in such a hard way, that I just still can’t find words to describe.
I was undone. I was totally devasted.And I was so hurt that I started to act in such an impetuos way that the only thing I can say to explain is - I was insanelly trying to figure out how to ride away from pain.
Now, 1 year later I can see that the all process started long before and what happened was mostly due to my lack of self steem.
Now someone may ask how can an athelete and accomplished person lack of self steem, how it starts, how does it works and the most important: how it led you to almost destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to build.
Well... I don’t have the answers. I must say that for now I’m just happy to figure out how my mind is working, how I’m sabotaging myself and what kind of “glasses” I’m using to see the world (remember Buda: “ we create our own reality”).
And now, one year later I’m ready to start over. I think maybe it will take a bit longer to get to Kona – I still have to find a job, to pay my debts, go back studying and mend a broken wing. For now I’m just weight lifting (I lost about 6 kg, and once I was already thin, I’ve gotten in a dangerous zone – I’m now 44 kg, for 1,68 m height – which means that my IMC is the same of a starving somalian.). This week I hope I can get back swimming and at the end of the week I hope I can go back running. I have lots of things besides sports I would like to share during this recovery time. I think t will be an interesting time, worth living. So welcome to my journey back to life.
Now, looking back time it’s funy to see how the dots just connected. I’ll try to make a brief of the last year –
I’ve gotten a promotion.
6 months later, I lost my job.
So what happened meanwhile?
My boy friend broke up with me. And it happened in such a hard way, that I just still can’t find words to describe.
I was undone. I was totally devasted.And I was so hurt that I started to act in such an impetuos way that the only thing I can say to explain is - I was insanelly trying to figure out how to ride away from pain.
Now, 1 year later I can see that the all process started long before and what happened was mostly due to my lack of self steem.
Now someone may ask how can an athelete and accomplished person lack of self steem, how it starts, how does it works and the most important: how it led you to almost destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to build.
Well... I don’t have the answers. I must say that for now I’m just happy to figure out how my mind is working, how I’m sabotaging myself and what kind of “glasses” I’m using to see the world (remember Buda: “ we create our own reality”).
And now, one year later I’m ready to start over. I think maybe it will take a bit longer to get to Kona – I still have to find a job, to pay my debts, go back studying and mend a broken wing. For now I’m just weight lifting (I lost about 6 kg, and once I was already thin, I’ve gotten in a dangerous zone – I’m now 44 kg, for 1,68 m height – which means that my IMC is the same of a starving somalian.). This week I hope I can get back swimming and at the end of the week I hope I can go back running. I have lots of things besides sports I would like to share during this recovery time. I think t will be an interesting time, worth living. So welcome to my journey back to life.
