Thursday, April 28, 2005

 

Issues

I'm back on track.. last week was very productive, but I ended too tired... that affect my humour and my personal life - leading to breakup with someone I really love. I must recognize that I'm very tense...
Saturday I had my long run - 1:30 - about 18 km, and I did it quite fine, but not as good as I expected, after it I went swimming - 2300 in about 1 hour (gosh!).
On sunday I was off
On monday I was out of control... and shit happened
On tuesday I was "empty"... I was so sad that I couldn't even stand.. despite of the sorrow I went to the gin and had a bike class
Yesterday I just tried to manage stress, started seeing a terapheutist and went running..
I'm facing ups and downs along the day, but I'll be alright...

Heard about an interesting book: "Become who you were born to be" from Brian Souza and I'm seriously considering buying "Winning" by Jack Welch...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

 

Moving Forward

it's been hard to deal with my own emotions.. doubts, fears... I'm just trying to mend my broken heart, but I'm not doing quite a good job... but I still have time.. at work things seems to be ok, but not in the best way they could be... I'm trying to cope with it - all the anxiety and those thoughts speaking loud inside my head!
Yesterday I receieved my first schedule, I must confess that I didn't understand much of it... but... My running trainning was supposed to be like that
- 10min ez - 10km/h
- 25min moderate - 12 km/h
- 10 min ez - 10 km/h
inclination rate - 1%
Well...
What I did:
- 10 min not that ez - first 5min 8km/h than 10km/h
- 25 min from 11km/h to 12,8km/h - my heart rate went to the skies@
- 10 min not that ez - 11km/h
it was about 8, 1km total...
I have no idea if this is good or not.. but I'm moving on...
The only thing I'm asking God to is "let there be the light"!

Monday, April 18, 2005

 

The Marathon

Yesterday was the day of two big world's marathons: London and São Paulo. Last Sunday was the day of Paris 2005's Marathon.. wish I could be there, but I wasn't. It doesn't make me feel sad, not at all, just conscious of my lack of good shape. It was beautiful to see all those athletes running across the streets, some smilling, others trying to deal with pain, some quiting, others finding strenght from "nowhere". Next year I will be there!
And talking about "being there", wednesday I started with a new personal coach, I don't have my trainning schedule yet and I must confess that I'm a bit anxious... I had my 3km test and it wasn't that bad.. but I suffered the day after... despite the pain I stuck to the plan and trainned on thursday - 1:30 bike, a hard train, really hard. On friday I just had a 50 min bike, dying with pain, I really thought I had injured myself but on saturday I was feelling better: not great, but quite better! It was a nice day: 3200m swim (uhu!) followed by an 1:30 bike class with two friends.. after trainning I spent about half an hour talking to a friend and that made my day very nice. After it I went to the terapeutist and he gave me a "homework": figure out my "qualities".. I have 3 weeks for that. At night I was exausted and watch a movie that made me feel quite bad - Monster. It was awful... just too heavy for me.. Now I promise myself I won't watch drama anymore.. gosh, even think about it gives me nausea!
Althought I had a bad night sleep I trainned on sunday: 30 min run (very high heart rate) followed by 50 min bike... the rest of the day was just this: rest!
Today I'm supposed to do some weight lifting and run... but first I will ask my coach...
Oh... I'm reading an interesting book: the monk and the executive... it worths...
And for those just like me, trying to figure out how to get back on studying the wish list: Stanford rules!!!!!!!
and about Hawaii: Ironman live just announced the 2005's lottery winners, and guess what: a friend of mine won a spot... on friday I as just so happy I could even control myself... it is very nice to see someone fulfilling a dream!

Seeya

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

 

The lack of Thorpe's genes

I'm back to the pool.. Althought I left work late I went to swim - it was about 9 p.m when I started. I was feeling well... not great but quite well (better than I thought I would). It took me around an hour to swim 2500 m in different drills, but i didn't worry about the time, my goal was just to be there, swimming as better as I could and trying to improve my technique. It made me happy even spite the conversation I had with my coach: I will never improve as much as I want, or even as I could if I had started earleir in my life... Once I had several health problems I was never allowed to get into the pool (even close to it) and started swimming in my late tenthies so even if I had the genes I had no time anymore... It will take lotsa time and hard work to be an average swimmer, but you know what? I really don't care. I will work as hard as I can and I will get better than expected because I really believe that we can reach any goal we set... and if I don't it won't bother me because I'm just willing to have a good time, enjoy my trainning and my sportive schedule... I'll let the gold for Thorpe (he deserves)... hehehehe.

Lesson learned: even if your son doesn't want to, just take him to the pool, he will thank you in the near future!


(good notice: maybe I don't have the strenght or the neuromuscular ability, but even without trainning my "lungs" are still pretty good! Sometimes I just wonder what it would be if I had discovered triathlon before, when I was younger...)

Monday, April 11, 2005

 

The Lottery

A friend of mine registered for IM Hawai 2005 Lottery and I got myself wondering if I would do the same... sincerelly I rather qualify but Kona is Kona and would always be a dream come true! I'm facing a really tough time at work and it's been hard to deal with anxiety... this saturday I had a valuable lesson just form my "wise" small boy: after seen me almost loosing my mind he just said: mom, don't worry about your job that much, your last job as crappy and you got something better, if this doesn't work out, you'll get another one and it will be better again because God is always watching...
I don't konw how my little boy is growing so wise, but he is and I'm very proud of him - he gives me strenght and happiness, and I'm very glad and thankfull for being his mother.
Saturday I went back to the pool, this week wasn't that bad: I ran once, had bike classes twice and wan once... not exactly a trainning regimen - not the kind I'm used to - but I'm folllowing through!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

 

Living with the flow

Even without planning I'm back on trainning.. ok, I can call it trainning but I'm fisically active again - mostly due to a few bike classes done on a dailly basis... I'm living with the flow - I know it will be just for a while, but for now I just can't deal with assignents and schedules outside work and I just don't want to. Maybe it will take a week, a month or even a year, but I'll get back on track... for now I just need to take off the weight on my shoulders and manage to feel better with my inner self... try to recover my selfesteem and be stronger... After this time I'll figure out the kind of person I really want to be and with some patience and lots of perseverance I'll follow through... just as said on a song from George Harrison: it takes time but loves comes to everyone - and I do believe that inner peace follows the same rule...

Monday, April 04, 2005

 

April's fool

It's been a while since my last post.. even so I haven't much to tell... It was a tough month, psycologycally speaking. I know that the best way to cope with stress is just wearing your sneakers and go out for a long or short run, but I just couldn't - I was dealing with so much pain and sorrow I could barely stand myself... those days are gone.. actually aren't but life goes on! Last week I decided to take a shot - you know, just try to handle things even those that seems to be unbearable.. I will tell you as the month progress how I suceed. I'm about to hire a personal coach, had ride my bike two days this weekend and tryied a short run - I quited the plan to run the half marathon (I just lost time and missed the enrollment)... I'm not full of plans, but taking it easy, being careful with my moods and not putting too much expectation on myself... I'm feeling that I'm about to face a huge break up that will hurt me deep inside so I must be ready - after this I'll follow through.
Sorry for the blues, next time I'll have better things to tell!

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